Leaving one home for another
我不能忘记。。。
7/11/09
It has taken me a long time to write this, my final entry about my five months spent in China. It probably would take me even longer were it not for the fact that the Boston Globe has chosen to print my story in their section about study abroad students, 'World Class', and they are linking to this blog, so I want it to be finished. If you've come here after reading the Globe, thank you and I hope you enjoy this blog! A big thank you to the Globe too, and my friends in Clark's Communications department who helped me submit my story!
So here I am, back in the States for over a month (and what a crazy month it has been) and I'm falling back into familiarity with everything again. But I never feel far from China. I see it and hear it and smell it in Worcester all the time, and I'm so grateful for Worcester's cultural diversity which gives me that opportunity. It's not just the Chinese restaurants and the Asian markets, but I hear people on the street speaking Mandarin, the smell of frying pork or baking bread bring me back to Beijing, and everyone seems to know someone who is currently in, or on their way to China, to study, to travel, for business, etc. China really seems like the place to be for Americans, (and other countries I'm sure) these days, and I feel privileged to have been able to live there during such an exciting and deeply metamorphotic time for the country. China is growing and changing rapidly in every aspect: culturally, industrially, politically, etc. and I cannot wait to see what the future brings for the country.
To recap on my last few days in China, I finally made it to the Olympic stadium, graduated for the second time from CET, and savored every morsel of my last home-cooked Chinese meal at my Beijing ayi's house. Everyone's attitude during the last week was sort of a strained attempt to make the most of every moment, knowing our time was running short. I knew that the only thing I would miss more than the people I was leaving, was the food, so every meal had to be eaten slowly, savored, remembered. Now that I'm home, I have yet to foray into trying to recreate my favorite dishes for myself, but I'll get around to it at some point ![]()
I had visited all the places on my list of 'Things to See' in Beijing except one, the Bird's Nest Olympic stadium. My friends who had gone all said that it wasn't a must-see, Giants stadium is bigger, and you should only go at night and look at it from the outside when it's lit up. But I was adamant. I loved watching the opening ceremonies for the Olympics on tv, and I wanted to see where it had all happened. So, my ever-faithful friend Ah Qiong took me one afternoon and I finally got my wish.
My friends were right, inside the stadium seemed surprisingly small, much smaller than it had looked on tv, but I didn't mind. The astroturf in the middle was scattered with people lying down and having picnics, it was all very quiet. I have to admit though, looking up from the inside, because of the strange circular shape of the roof, it sort of feels like you're inside a toilet bowl. haha.
outside of the stadium are two huge parks filled with trees and strange, modern statues. Ah Qiong and I proceeded to have a photoshoot with them all. (As all the other Chinese were too)
I really enjoyed the olympic stadium, it's a very pretty and quiet place to visit. I didn't stay to see it lit up at night, but I'd rather say that I went inside than to just look at it from the outside. The other final touristy thing I did was return to Tiananmen Square to see Mao Zedong's body in his mausoleum. While I have no pictures, this was quite an adventure. It was the day before I flew out of China and I had attempted to see Mao twice before, only to find that the hours the mausoleum were open kept changing, and it was always closed. None of my friends wanted to go with me, they either were uninterested or had already been, so I was going to trek out on my own, until Yuan Chang, my other ever-faithful friend said he'd take me. A long walk to the subway, a long subway ride and then we were in Tiananmen, on a Saturday morning in summertime. 
The square was thick with tourists. While we waited for Yuan Chang's friend to show up, we sunbathed on the ground in front of the Forbidden City and cloud-watched.
Lying in the middle of Tiananmen Square and chatting with Yuan Chang is one memory from China that I will always hold dear and never forget.
Once his late friend finally showed up, we only had 45 minutes left to fight the crowds into the mausoleum. There are guards everywhere, filing the endless line along, and their requirements for entry are severe. The first time we tried to enter, they said no bags, so Yuan Chang ran to the bag-check (conveniently located across the street) and ran back. The second time we tried to enter, they said that my shoes (flip-flops) weren't appropriate. I was ready to give up at that point, whatever, I hear Mao's body is fake anyways. But Yuan Chang was determined to get me in, so we ran back to the bag check and he bought me shoes that they keep just for the purpose of entering the mausoleum. They were the traditional cloth Chinese slippers that only old people wear, but I didn't care. We went back AGAIN and were required to show IDs, and I prayed that my CET student ID would be ok, that I didn't need my passport (which I didn't have), and I think it was only because I am short of stature and have dark hair that I blended in between my two Chinese friends and was finally waved inside. What upset me is that already standing in line were two tall thin foreigners wearing flip-flops.
Seeing Mao was – quick. While you’re allowed to linger for a moment, the line in and straight out of the mausoleum is constantly moving. Mao is in a large room, his glass coffin inside a larger glass box, the communist flag pulled up to his chin, and a bright orange light shining right into his face, making him look like a plastic lawn character with a bulb inside it. I nearly laughed before I realized there was an orange light shining on him, he looked so fake. But, whether fake or real (no one really knows), he is basically a 3D version of the portrait hanging in Tiananmen Square, nothing that makes him look human or fallible, no wrinkle or mole that only those who knew him would see, he looked like every other of the thousands of pictures I had seen of him in Beijing. And then we scooted out the back door. As Yuan Chang said bluntly in English, “It’s over.” Haha. While it was a lot of effort for very little reward, I am still very glad I finally got to go in, otherwise I would feel like I had missed an opportunity and would always wonder what the great embalmed Mao looked like.
Before my last journey to Tiananmen Square, we had final exams and graduation. Graduation went well, not too too much to say. The opening and closing banquets of each term at CET were fairly similar. Everyone gathers with their classmates and teachers at a nice restaurant and we sit around tables and eat a many-coursed meal off of a lazy susan before each class’ teachers introduce and thank their class, the students thank teachers, gifts are exchanged, photos are taken, and diplomas handed out. Myself and another girl were chosen to introduce our class and thank our teachers. We both wore qipaos, in English a cheongsam, along with only a small number of other girls. I thought every girl would have gone out for the traditional Chinese fashion, but we were the only ones, making us very popular to stand between for pictures.
the qipao girls: l-r my suitemate Liao Qian, me, my roommate Feng Yue, my other suitemate Nin Nin, and Miaozi
these are my girls, the ones I lived with and spent all my days with. Ah Qiong and I are in the front, Qinglan and Feng Yue are in the back
I love these two so much. Me with Yuan Chang and Qinglan
When the time finally came to leave on June 1st, I thought I would be okay emotionally, I had missed home every day and was so so excited to see my family and friends again. Frantically finishing my packing, I said goodbye to my roommate Feng Yue, Ah Qiong dashed out haphazardly as only she can, and I said goodbye to Qinglan who went off to travel with her mother, but I knew I would see her again soon in the States. It was only when I had put my suitcases into the bus that would take us to the airport did I look around the street and neighborhood that had been my home and take a deep breath, trying to store in my memory the unique smell of Beijing. And then I saw Yuan Chang, saying goodbye to his roommate Ryan. Both were crying. And I lost it. I would miss this place, I would miss all the crazy and wonderful absurdities of China, the delicious food, the bright colors, but most of all, I would miss the kind people, I would miss Yuan Chang so much. I hugged him so tight it hurt and we cried and cried. I promised him, in English and Chinese that I would come back. I cried all the way onto the bus and hiccuped to the airport, the seven of us that were sharing a flight swapping stories about all we had done and learned.
At the airport I, for some reason was bumped up a class and sat in Economy Plus with more leg room and, oh I lucked out, no one sat next to me! So I passed a much more comfortable than before, 12 hour flight stretched out across two seats. Reaching Chicago we all parted ways and my flight home was a little delayed due to a thunderstorm. But then two exhausted, un-showered, I’m-sick-of-planes hours later, and I was home, back in my native New Hampshire being hugged by the people I had missed so much. It was a rush, it was almost like I had forgotten what everyone looked like. I know this probably sounds a little melodramatic as I was only gone for five months, but I really felt like I was in a whirlwind.
And now I’m back. Home hadn’t changed while I was gone, my room and my friends and my campus are all still there, and I still know how to drive a car and I know my way around, though I’ve blanked on some street names. And very quickly it was almost as though I had never left. But I, myself, have changed and grown, and that personal growth is my strongest proof of what I’ve seen and done, and the most cherished thing I brought back with me from China.
June was crazy, coming down from the high of being considered a ‘foreigner’ and re-adjusting to ‘the real world’ as my dad would say. I battled extreme jetlag, took two more flights in and out of the happiest place on earth, Disney World, turned 21, moved back to Clark where I was reunited with all my friends, had my car stolen but found again, went through a painful job search, secured two odd jobs, and all the while I was sharing my stories of China.
So now I’m living on campus in Worcester with my boyfriend and some friends, bumming around trying to find whatever work I can. I’m totally broke but very happy. And best of all, I’m a volunteer tutor at the Southeast Asian Coalition of Central Massachusetts located just a couple streets over from my school. I go in eight hours a week and sit in on ESL classes for Asian immigrants. The majority of them are Vietnamese, but there are a handful of Mandarin speakers who ask me questions and chat with me in Chinese. Everyone at SEAC is very kind and I love that I am still speaking Chinese and interacting with people from Asia.
I miss China, the food and people especially as you know, but I keep in touch with everybody through email and Skype. I fully intend on returning to China, there is no way I could not go back. I made a promise and I intend to keep it. I have a small family there now (ok, so it’s Qinglan’s family) but there are a couple households who have entreated me to return, and I’ll take them up on their offer. I still feel that I am a part of China, its culture and its people, and I will always have a special place in my heart for them.
Thank you to all who have read this blog, and those of you who kept in touch with me while I was away. You are so appreciated.
I want to end this with a poem I found by the famous Chinese poet Li Bai. I found it printed on a fan at Disney World in World Showcase’s China.
Farewell to a Friend
This is the place where we must sever
You go thousands of miles my friend once forever
Like the floating clouds we drift apart
The sunset lingers like the feelings of my heart
送友人
青山橫北郭 , 白水遶東城 o
此地一為別, 孤蓬萬里征 o
浮雲遊子意, 落日故人情 o
揮手自茲去, 蕭簫斑馬鳴 o
李白
如果我的中国朋友们看到这个博客, 我告诉你们, 你们都我爱, 你们都我想念。 我肯定回去中国。
谢谢大家
再见
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